The Morning I Lost My Discipline
TL;DR: A joyful greeting has just turned your £20 "pure cotton" lounge shorts into a distressed avant-garde experiment. Welcome to the £68 scratch.
There is a specific feeling of optimism that only exists when you buy new garms. Last week, I bought some comfy M&S shorts. They were pristine. They were tapered. They were the kind of shorts that say, “I have my life together, even when I’m just making toast.”
Luna, a creature with the physical density of a lead pipe and the spatial awareness of a drunk toddler, had other plans.
The Greeting from Hell
I made the mistake of wearing them to breakfast. Luna, overcome with the purely irrational joy that I hadn’t died in my sleep, launched herself at my legs.
The Result: A sharp, audible rip. One perfectly manicured bulldog claw found its way through the premium organic cotton and straight into my thigh.
It wasn’t just a scratch on my leg; it was a scratch on my soul. And my bank balance.
The Financial Breakdown
The Shorts: £20 (Rest in peace).
The Antiseptic Cream: £8 (Because biological weapons are attached to those paws).
The Replacement Pair: £20.
The Professional Pedicure: £20 (Vet-grade nail clip for the Bulldog, because I can’t do it myself).
Total Cost of a 5-second greeting: £68.
Poll
Just For Laughs
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