Trying to maintain a gym routine
TL;DR: Maintaining a six-pack is impossible when your primary housemate is a 25kg anchor who refuses to acknowledge the existence of the morning.
There was a time, in the pre-Luna era, when I was a high-functioning member of the London fitness elite. I was a gym goer. I had the coordinated Gymshark kit. I had a ‘fitness plan’.
I used to hit the gym at 7 AM. I would crush a strength session, shower like a King, and be at my desk by 9 AM feeling like a god.
Now, I am a man who negotiates with a creature that looks like a damp breeze block and has the work ethic of a retired sloth.
The 7 AM Stalemate
The alarm goes off. The gym floor is calling. My Nikes are laced and ready by the door.
But there is a problem. Luna is currently pinned to my left leg. She isn’t just sleeping; she is occupying the bed. If you’ve never tried to move a sleeping Bulldog, imagine trying to relocate a safe that’s been filled with wet sand.
She doesn’t do “mornings.” If I try to nudge her, she emits a low, gravelly groan that sounds like a ghost expressing disappointment. She won’t open her eyes. She won’t shift her weight. She just becomes denser.
The result: I am trapped in a £25-a-month financial commitment because my dog thinks 9:30 AM is an “early start.”
ICYMI
Everything you need to know this week.
The Crufts “Best in Show” Scandal 🏆 Bruin the Clumber Spaniel made history this week, but the celebration was short-lived. The community is currently divided over handler Lee Cox’s historical record. It brings up a massive “unsaid” question: in a world of high-stakes dog shows, should we be judging the person at the end of the lead as much as the dog?
The Rise of the “Dog-Office” 💻 If you’re a SINKWAD like me, the “Work From Home” dream can get a little lonely (for both of you). New data shows a 40% surge in dog-friendly co-working spaces this year. It’s officially the era of the “Office Dog,” and honestly, I’d rather network with a Greyhound than a middle-manager.
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